Are you a woman who smiles happily when other people call you a ‘strong woman’ or you are a man who has referred to some women as ‘strong women’? Then, this article is for you!
Being called a ‘strong woman’ is not a compliment and we need to stop taking it as one. On International Women’s Day, many people put up pictures of women on social media and they state that they are celebrating them for being the ‘strong women’ that they are. What does it mean to be a ‘strong woman’? By whose standards? Compared to who? And for what reason?
The choice of words we use and the narratives we pass from one generation to another deeply affect our biases against women. Over time, we have used the label ‘strong woman’ to reinforce prejudices and unrealistic societal expectations for women. We hear people say ridiculous things about being a ‘strong woman’. The woman who cries all night and puts on her red lipstick in the morning, with her hair properly done is a strong woman. The woman who combines extensive hours of paid work with unpaid domestic work, and has little time to rest is a strong woman. The woman who is assertive and leads a male-dominated industry is a strong woman. The woman who challenges the status quo is a strong woman. The list of those we confer the title of the ‘strong woman’ is endless.
It is such a bad idea for us to adopt the label of the ‘strong woman’ to justify some of the unrealistic societal expectations for women. It is equally a bad idea for women to take on the label of the ‘strong woman’ as a badge that they wear proudly. Girls are socialized into a society that projects women as having superpowers, as people who do not rest from work (whether paid or unpaid domestic work). Girls are socialized into a society that makes it difficult for women to ask for help, admit that women have their breaking points and that women have the need to indulge in self-care. Our society makes it seem like women are meant to be perfect, forgetting that we are all humans. We err, we forget, we get tired, and we bounce back.
The ‘strong woman’ title is problematic and it forces women to put pressure on themselves. It is high time we debunked the myth of the ‘strong woman’. We need to eliminate the negative connotations that sometimes come with the title of the ‘strong woman’.
Here are some reminders to help us collectively debunk the myth of the ‘strong woman’:
- Women get tired, they are not super-humans: There are so many expectations on what a woman should be, the things she must do before she can ‘earn’ the title of the ‘strong woman’. Sometimes, we hear women brag about how they work long hours at work, get home to do chores, care for their family members and struggle to get 5 hours of sleep every night. Who are these women trying to impress? The society or their families? We all need to remember that women do not have extra strength stored up their sleeves. They are ordinary humans and it is okay for them to be tired and for them to communicate that they are tired.
- It is normal for women to ask for help and set boundaries while giving help: We often portray this image of the ‘strong woman’ who does everything by herself. She does not ask for help and she is ever-ready to help everyone. This kind of expectations for women is unfair. We need to normalize women by asking for help when they need help. Whether they need help with their paid work or unpaid domestic work, we need to support women when they ask for help. We ascribe some gender roles to women based on the way our society operates and this places a lot of pressure on women. It is okay for women to seek help from their family members or even outsource some of their workloads. We should also expect women to set boundaries on the kind of help they are willing to give other people. Do not ask a woman for extra favours and expect her to oblige to your requirements just because she is a woman.
The ‘strong woman’ title is problematic and it forces women to put pressure on themselves. It is high time we debunked the myth of the ‘strong woman’
- A woman seeking mental health support is not crazy and helpless: The label of the ‘strong woman’ has been used to depict a woman who needs psychological support but keeps things to herself. This interpretation of the ‘strong woman’ myth is unhealthy for women. Why should we praise a woman for crying all night and putting up a ‘strong beautiful face’ during the day? We need to make it easy for women to seek professional mental health support when necessary. Let us stop the stigmatization of mental health. A woman who seeks professional help for her mental health is not crazy. She is not petty, and she is not weak.
Women can find time to unwind and engage in leisure activities:
Another negative connotation that comes with the ‘strong woman’ title is that it refers to women who never stop working. We live in a society that projects busyness as a virtue. People come together to compare their levels of stress as if they are competing for the Nobel Prize. We also live in a society that socializes boys into hanging out with friends and girls staying home to do house chores. Whether women want to hang out with their friends or stay home to unwind is completely left to them, but we need to normalize leisure for women. They should be allowed to take breaks without feeling guilty for taking those breaks. Women should incorporate leisure activities in their everyday lives. Taking time for leisure is not what women do when they are at their breaking points or once in a blue moon.
As we continue to celebrate women every day, let us be mindful of the compliments we pass across to them. Being called a ‘strong woman’ is not a compliment because of the nuanced interpretations we have developed about the idea of being strong. Women are humans. They have their strengths and weaknesses just like men. They are not strong, they are not weak, they are just women!
The world will be a better place for girls and women to thrive when we give up the title of the ‘strong woman’.